Feedback on 2 opening ideas

Feedback on Idea #1 (Roots of Evil)

The first piece of feedback I received was that the opening was too long: too much would be happening and would force me to only show a few seconds of each of the pieces of action that would occur in my opening. In addition to this, I was told that my opening was oversaturated: focus needed to be rested on a single feature of the opening, and not the intended 4. 

One person suggested that the opening would be easier to film and would be more engaging if the  virus was stolen in transit/ or when it was being carried out to the van. I think this would be a better idea, as it requires less mise-en-scene than my original idea- and so would be easier to set up and film. Additionally, if it is stolen in transit, the focus is only on the fighting and stealing, instead of the making/transporting/fighting/explosion/stealing which happened in my original idea. 

The last piece of feedback I received was that I should take out the fight sequence. I believe that this suggestion was made because it would’ve required too many actors, and would have been confusing. By having the virus stolen in transit, only one fight sequence would be occurring, as oppose to the three I had before. I think this was valuable feedback that cleans up my opening and gives it more clarity and therefore produces more impact.

Feedback on Idea #2 (The Highwayman)

I think my second idea had a more popular reception than my first. One of the first pieces of advice was that I needed to include more dialogue in the opening, as it had none before, this would develop the piece further and would tell the audience more about who the characters were, as it was not clear that they were criminals/robbers.

Another piece of advice, more on the aesthetics of the opening, was that the Highwayman should have a calling card. Throwing down a pair of stolen car keys was an example that was suggested. I thought this feedback was helpful, but would have changed the tone of my character, as he kills out of vengeance and not as a guilty psychotic pleasure. On the other hand, a calling card might be a good idea as it helps convey that what the Highwayman has just done is normal: he’s a serial vengeance killer. It would tell the audience that this is a rehearsed act that has been done countless times before, giving our character a more intimidating appearance.

Furthermore, someone suggested that I should kill the criminals in a more different and creative way. I thought this was very valuable information, as it made me realise that how I had originally killed my criminals (hitting them with a van), left room for error, e.g. the van not killing them, or being unable to hit both at the same time. So a better idea that was suggested was that the Highwayman waits in their getaway car and gasses them, and then beats them to death with car keys/baseball bat or could kill them with bags of tightly compressed dollar bills-their bills- by beating them to death (‘Full-metal Jacket’ style). 

My final piece of advice was that I should further develop the bank robbery. It was suggested that I shift the focus of the sequence to the robbery, instead of the killing. I think this is a good idea, as a robbery has more suspense, and is much more engaging than a murder sequence